Chocobos and Porcupines
by XxXRibbinzXnXChainzXxX
Summary: Chocobos and Porcupines make a perfect friendship. They can get in all the trouble they want to, but its too cute to blame them. Fluff, NON YAIO. And a small warning: Zacks mind is featured WAY out in the open. BRACE YOURSELF.
1. Spiders, Porcupines, Chocobos OH MY!

**Chocobos and Porcupines**

_Prolouge_

_Chocobos and Porcupines make a perfect friendship. The porcupines always getting in to trouble and the chocobo, well the chocobo just want to relax._

_A porcupines always on edge, care free, and to put it plainly...fair._

_And a chocobos always has worries, and to this plainly...has his strifes._

_And when I refer to a porcupine, Im refering to a cheerful person we all know as...Zack Fair. _

_And as the chocobo is put, I refer to him as...Cloud Strife._

Zack was strutting down the hall, in his normel cheerful way, when he spotted something...something spikey and...yellow. Straining his mind to think what coul POSSIBLY be yellow and spikey...

"Think, think, THINK you fool! What is yellow and spikey?"

His eyes widen, a dreadful look on his face, and as before you could realize it he dashed. He dashed to the nearest firealarm, screaming out: "CHOCOBO! CHOCOBO! THERES A CHOCOBO IN THE BUILDING!"

Everyone opened their doors, rubbing the tiredness out of their eyes, to see what all the ruckus was. "What the hell, Fair?!" A infantryman shouted over the blaring alarm. "Its 2:00 'oclock in the freaking morning!"

Zack only pointed in the direction where the yellow was. "Theres a chocobo in the building!" Everyone leaned out of their doorways to see this so called 'disaster'. A suprisingly, there was nothing there. They turned and glared at the jaw-dropped idiot. "What? Were you out partying again?!" Zack only studder the words: "Choco-there-wa-right-chocobo-yellow...and it was...spikey?" They all slamed their doors as soon as the alarm came to a stop, the result to another infantryman slamming his fist against the button.

Zack stood there, blinking. He shook his head, and rolled his shoulders back. "I only had...one drink..."

He sighed and turned to walk away. "Zack?" He whoosed his head up abruptly, to see a familair face. First off he noticed the blonde spikes, and the cystal blue orbs and then he realized this face...was angry.

"I thought you said I didnt look like a chocobo?" The face melted into a hurt, pitiful, face, watery eyes included.

"Uhn...what?" Then the realization, knocked into him, like someone banging at your glass door.

"CLOUD! Um-I-dont-I-I, I only saw a blur of yellow, and-and-thats the first thing I thought of and it pretty much scared the crap outta me!" He fumbled out to the pitiful face.

"But...you...pulled the alarm?" His eyes turned even watery-er. And his lips puffed out forming a sure-fire pout.

"Aw, I just wan-ed to wake those grunts up, just for the heck of it!" He smiled brightly.

"But wont they be mad? Or worse, the might think you're manic!" He over dramaticly pointed out.

"Oh, who cares what those low class losers think!" He grinned when Cloud's face turned neutral.

"Im the same class as them. So...Im a loser?" He turned his head sideways, and flicked his eyebrows.

Zack waved his arms in the air, fumbling again. "NO! You! Are SOOOOO NOT a loser!" He clapped him on the slumped shoulders. Cloud's eyes brightened, and smile weaved, gently across his face. "Really?"

"For sure! AND! Besides, your my bestest bud. Friends dont slam on other friends!"

Cloud grinned ear to ear, as they began walking to their dorm. (Especialy since Zack was out drinking and partying)

**'El Casa, Cloudo and Zacka' or: The Dorm**

Zack began un-lacing his tightly knotted boots, which usually took a long time. "Hey, Cloud?"

Cloud was apparently brushing his teeth. "Wha-ntttt?" He slurred from the closet sized bathroom.

Zack sighed as he took off his tight boots. "You remember that girl I was talking about?"

Cloud shut the mini-medicine cabinet, and rinsed out the hand sink. "Yeah, Aerna?"

Zack laughed and corrected. "No, Aer-ith! Well, she-"

Cloud glanced out the door at Zack's unhappy face, which was NOT normal, because it was a fact, Zack...Zack was always smiling. Always. "Whats wrong?"

Zack didnt look up. "Nothing, 'forget." Cloud noticed something in Zack's hand, it was just a peice of paper though.

"Whats that? That paper in your hand?" He walked over to the ladder that lead to his bunk. Halfway up something caught his leg. _What-the?_

"Nooooo!" Zack yelped. "What?" Cloud searched Zack's terrified face.

Zack pulled Cloud to the ground. Zack sank down next to him. When Cloud opened his eyes he saw...well...Zack. And furrowed his eye brows, screaming in a quite whisper. "Whaaaaattttttt?!"

Thats when he realized how close Zack was to him, his face, his body, him, himself. _Me._

Zack got real close to Clouds face extending his arm in the direction of his legs. He could feel his breath on his neck. _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god._

He sqeezed his eyes shut, the most dreadful thoughts filling his recent mind. He didnt want to think what was gonna happen next. He didnt want to, but the thoughts filled his head.

"Spider"

He blinked his eyes open to realize that Zack was pointing to a spider on the wall, and was in the feedle position against Cloud's side. With his head burrowed in Cloud's shoulder. _Spider?_

"Spider! Gettim Cloud!" Zack remained bundled against Clouds upper body._ Zack...is...afraid of spiders?_

Cloud raised himself up and stepped over Zack, he tiptoed over to the wall. Grabbing the peice of paper Zack had earlier. He raised it and SLAM! Smacked the spider upside the head, squashed him in the paper and threw it in the over-piled trash can, that they hadnt emptied for months.

When he turned around Zack was huddled mid air across the ladder. "Check around to see if theres anymore!" He cried shakily.

Cloud nodded and searched every corner of the room, checking behind the T.V., behind the dressers, and any other things they may have been hiding under or behind.

By the time he finished Zack was sitting cross-legged in the center of the lower bunk. Terror in his eyes.

Cloud forced himself not to laugh or smile at the scene.

Zack silently lifted the sheets, ofcourse checkind for spiders, and slipped under them after a thourough run-down.

Cloud climbed the ladder and settled into his bed too. Silence remained, until Cloud decided the funniest decision. It was hysterical, hilarious, it was about Zack.

"Porcupine." He whispered.

"What." Zack's voice sounded weak and still terrified.

"Porcupine." He stated simply.

"What about it?"

"Thats what it looked like, a porcupine."

"Did what look like?" He sat up and leaned to see Cloud up above.

Cloud looked down at the shaky, breathless Zack. "Nevermind."

"Kay, nite!" His voice sounded halfway cheerful as he slipped back into the blankets.

...

"Thats what you look like when you're scared, a porcupine." He whispered as quietas possible.

Unfortunatly Zack's mako enhanced hearin picked it up. "WHAT?!" He sat up, slamming his head against the top bunk. "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" He was swirling with poutiness and frustratrion, as he zipped up to the top bunk and started 'attacking' the 'asleep cloud of innocence'.

"HOW DARE YOU!" He was smacking Cloud's arm. Cloud laughed and shoved Zack off the bed after a moment. "OW!"

He got up and slumped in his bed. Pretending like it didnt hurt, although he was silently sucking his thumb and rubbing the sore spots.

"Yeah? Well atleast I dont look like a chocobo!" He shouted, upward.

Cloud ignored him, and contiued his desicion.

"Cute, like a little frightened pocupine, shaking and shivering included." He sang out.

Zack just grunted. "Fat Chocobo !"

**End of Chapter 1: Spiders, Chocobos, and Porcupines, OH MY!**

Heh, hoped you liked! Requests are taken gladly! Although I refues Yaio! Nothing can get me to do that! You hear me NUTHIN! So yeah, Ill update occasionaly! PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2: The Turks, die today!

**3:02 am-**

"...Cloouuuuuuddddd-uh...Cloudddddddd...Cloud...CLOUD!"

Cloud jumped up, immediatly answering. "What Zack?" He grumbled.

"Turks." Zack hissed.

"What about them?" He rolled his red, sleepy eyes.

"I, me, The Great Zack. Have come up with the counter-plan." Zack paused and grinned evily to himself. "We are going-

_And the plan was carried out through the night. The plan to destroy the Turks. _

**Hallway- 9:32 am-**

Zack pulled his head back, popping his neck along the way letting out an evil cackle. "Like that."

Cloud eyes-widened as he blinked feirously. "That?!"

Zack's face was straight, which only meant he was tellin the whole truth. "I sware, it sounds like the Devil himself. I tell ya, that guy is evil, hes a saint!" Zack lifted his arms from behing his head and waved the ferociously.

"What was his name again? Homo?!"

Zack started cracking up at that name. "Heh, homo...heh..heh heh...no it's Hojo!"

As they were walking they glanced at the door that said:_ Proffeser Hojo_

Cloud shivered as chills went down his spine. "God! Its smells there!" It was a fact, hes a professer, he gonna be doing some kind of evil, terrible experiments.

Cloud relaxed as they entered the lunch lounge. Of-course, the lunch-lounge. Zack refuses to go to the regular cafeteria,

'Its unsanitery, for all we know they could be serving up Hojo's failed experiments in there! I forbid you to go into there!'

Thats what Zack said every time, at the same pace: rapid, at the same place: 5 feet from the entrance, same motions: waving his arms above his head, which he excessivly does, and to the same person: Cloud.

As they entered the smells of roast and pie filled their senses. Zack and Cloud immediatly spotted the most horrible thing they could, the most dreadful, the most depressing thing they EVER could see...

"Its...the last..." Cloud whined.

"...Cherry...pie..." Zack finished.

They glanced at eachother and...the race began...

**Reno and Rudes Dorm- 9:19**

Reno blinked his eyes open, expecting to see a light filled window. "Hey..." Although, instead he could only see...brown...

"What the-"

Rude imediatly opened his usually covered eyes, expecting to see shaded black...he saw...white...

"...ZACK-" He hissed loudly.

Reno sat up and removed the peanut butter covering his face, wiping it from his hands onto the bed sheets. (He doesnt really care)

He smirked over at Rude, who was wiping the whipped-cream from his...I guess you could call it...face.

"Haha! I only got peanut-!"

Rude glared his most deadly glare at Reno as he chucked the whipcream at the Cherry-bomb infused head. "OMIGOSH!" Reno squealed as he was smacked with the desert topping.

They recovered from their un-awareness, and checked the damage.

Toilet paper was strung from the bunks to the window, the doors to the dreesers, the ceiling fans were turned on and the white streams were swirling around the center of the room.

Peanut butter was lined into the bathroom tiles, smooshed into the windows cracks, and what do you think held the toilet paper up? The peanut butter did.

Whip Cream was blobbed across the few walls. The shower was smoothered in the cream, as was the sink, the glass of the window.

And across the largest wall in solid black, and creamy yellow icing, there was a picture of a spikey porcupine and a spikey chocobo.

"Wow, they're REALLY good at decorating!" Reno grinned shortly, as he was interrupted by a smack across the back of his head. "HEY! Its not nice to hit, yo!"

And little did they know there...was something else...00

**Heehee-Back to 3:32 am**

"Shhhhhhhh! Quiet!" Zack tiptoed to Reno's bunk. Scooping out the greatest glob he could he slapped it onto the face and started smearing away.

Cloud glanced at them constantly, to make sure they didnt wake up. "Ok, Im gonna start with the toilet paper." He whispered. He tiptoed to the large black bag which was filled to the top and hulking out on the sides.

**Back about 20 minutes- 3:17 am**

Zack laughed out as he began calling out the list of item needed for thei master plan to eliminate the Turks.

"Okay: 15 jars of peanut butter?" He grinned at Cloud who was practiclly inside the oversized bag.

"Check!" He slid out his arm and put a thumbs up.

"8 tubs of whipped cream?" He sang out.

"7...8, Check!"

"25 rolls of toilet paper-heh heh-"

Cloud abruptly pulled himself out of the bag wide eyed. "T-twenty five?!"

"Yes." Zack dipped his head forward as he brightly confimrmed the obvious question.

"B-but-are you sure, we wont get in trouble?!"

Zack ignored Cloud as he scooted him out of the way to count them himself. "1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10...11...12...13...14...15...16...17...18...19...20...21...22...23...24...and Twenty five!"

Cloud sat there motionless reading the words in his mind over and over: _Im gonna get kicked out of the academy, Im gonna get kicked out of the academy._

Zack pulled Cloud back to the positoin he had used to be. "Okay...next...lets see...oh yeah!"-

**Reno and Rudes Dorm- 9:25**

They had finally finished cleaning up the most that they could, and as Reno was walking toward the door he noticed a glint up in the ceiling...something shiny...

"Reno!" Rude shouted.

Reno smirked. "Nu-uh! Not this time, Im getting the Cherry pie this time! Heh heh!" He bolted to the door and-SPLAT!

**3:18- The contiuing list**

Zack paused as he smiled evily. "50 water baloons."

Cloud nodded.

**Lunch Lounge- Continuing from 9:17**

"Thats not fair!" Zack whined as Cloud smirked and consumed the second peice of cherry pie.

"I SAID: Thats not fair!"

"How. How is it not fair?" Cloud didnt look up from he beautifly decorated trophy.

"Because...because, you pushed the chair infront of me while we were running and I tripped over it, knocking a glass of tea on this goodie toe-shoes evil lady and -gasp- then she made me pick it up, pay her for he supposedly 'new' vintage, silk dress, then she made me go get her another iced tea, with exactly three sugars which she didnt tell me the first time -gasp- so I had to get it again, and the whole time you kept going and by the time that lady was through lecturing me you were siting down cramming the first peice of that fricking pie into your smug little mouth!"

Zack looked at Cloud who was leaning back in his chair grinning. Zack then looked at the plate...it was gone.

"Damnastic!" He shouted, attracting many looks. He glared at each and every one, and sat back down into his chair.

...

Footsteps.

Zack leaned back to see who it was (he always did that, he had to know where each person was going)

"Oh. My. God." Zack's face turned grave.

And with that, Coud was under the table, eventhough there was no cloth to hide under.

Two sopping wet people turned the corner, daggers lined in their eyes. "There they are."

Zack strained his brain (which was a miraculous thing, based on the size...which wasnt a very big size)

searching for the thing, anything thet could sdave their slowly fading lives. And then it happened.

"FOOD FIGHT!" He screamed as he tossed plate at the two erupting faces.

And then...it was on. It was go time. It was just beginning. It was WAR.

Everybody evacuated the room. Not including the infantrymen, or atleast the ones that wernt too fond of the Turks.

Beef was flung in random directions. Corn was launched off of fork and spoons. It rained tea into every corner of the room. Pastries were...well...the pastries ore too good to waste, so they remained un-touched Salad was tossed, and not the kind of toss wher you mix it. Tomatoes were squashed. Various fruits and vegtables were slung. And amist all of the tatsy chaos...

...a certain chocobo and a certain porcupine. They were out of there.


	3. Chapter 3: The PepperMint Debate

**_Ok this is the first time Ive ever done Seph so tell me if he seems a little off, tips are welcome as are suggestions and ideas :)_**

**_Chapter 3: The Peppermint Debate_**

_What the hell is it? _Zack had been sitting there for hours. _It couldnt be... _Staring at something shiny and blue. _Mountains...snow...pine...winter... _With a horrible look on his face, as if the world was ending. _Winter...fr-_

"WINTER FRESH!" He suddenly shouted out causing Cloud to trip and spill his snowcone. _Wait..._

"Crap! NO, that wont work...its the name of a flavor..." Cloud looked up from the thing he had been looking forward to all day, which was now the new carpet stain. "Will you just give it up!" Cloud frowned when Zack opened up another sample.

"Zack! There is not a word for it! Theres sour, spicy, and sweet! Thats all!" Cloud was the one waving his arms this time.

Zack looked up from the mint he had been strangely interested in for days.

"No, theres GOT to be! Theres sour, spicy, sweet. But theres GOT to be a word for the refreshing, wintery, fresh ones!! You see they were the first mints! So theres gotta be a word! And if not, they ruined the whole purpose of a mint, because they came first, then the sour ones and the cinnamon ones! And its not Winter Fresh, that doesnt count, its the flavors Name. So there! There is a name for it! Theres gotta be!"

Apparently Cloud was ignoring his big dabate, or fiasco as you could put it...because he had already finished cleaning up the mess. And was quite enjoying the part he could save. "HEY!"

"HEY! Cloud! Are you even listening?!" Zack jumped halfway in the air sending his 'spinny' chair across the room.

Cloud was merely bobbing his head, somehow he had conquered up an MP3 player out of nowhere, and was listening to the song we all know and love: _I Hate Everything About You_

"YOU JERK! SO! You have 'better'," He paused cuping his fingers on better, "things to do, than listen to your ONLY friends problems!"

CLoud continued bobbing his head as faint music was screeched from his earphones. "I HATE! EV-RY-THING ABOUT-YOU! WHY! DO! I LO-VE YOU!"

Zack gasped. "Y-you LOVE me?!" His eyes as wide as the smile he usually bears.

Cloud clicked a red button on he side of the electronic, and looked up with a dumb-found look spead across his face.

Silence.

As Cloud gaped at his friends stupidness, Zack merely blinked, still not registering. He spead his hands in the air, as to say, 'well'

Cloud shook his head, blonde bangs adding the emphasis to it all.

"Zack. Gooday."

Cloud stood, waved directly to Zacks face, and stepped out of the door. Muffled self-

muttering heard, sounding like something highly offensive, for example:

'What a Noob'

'What a Freaking idiot'

'I cant belive how ignorant he is'

'He just a fricking -- and thats all there is to it.'

And thats only the beginning of walkin down the hall.

Zack blinked, swooshed his head up and down. Muttering to himself, "Well? He said it!"

**Sephiroth -OH MY GOD-**

Everyone edges to the side of the halls as he passes. All within 1 meter is silent or fading into silence. In awe they watch him. All wishing, someday to be as great. All give him supreme respect. All fear each look he casts. All salute even if he isnt watching. Only to speak when spoken to. All respect-"HEY SEPH!!"

A blur of black spikeyness dashed to his side. "You see this mint?" He said with a tone, as if a rare specimen. Sephiroth didnt look directly but shifted his eyes, as they continued down the hall. "Yes, Zack."

Zack turned his body, as he slid infront of him. Walking backwards, two steps ahead, he whispered.

"Its an emergency...but we cant tell anyone yet!" He waved his arms closely to his chest. Looking around to check the surroundings. "It. Doesnt. Have. A name!"

Sephiroth rolled his eyes, smirking when Zack was flipped over a trashcan, and was dumped onto the tiles.

"Its a mint. Thats its name. And if you dont leave me alone, I will shove it down your throat, along with anything else I have in my reach." He continued walking, even as Zack popped up from his heap on the floor.

"Aha! See, but thats NOT its name." He put his arms at his hips. "Because! There are more than one kind of mint! Theres Spicy, and then theres sour, and then theres sweet! But there is a name for this kind of flavor! They never made one!"

Sephiroth glanced evily at the mint. Evil thoughts swarming his mind.

'BURST INTO FALMES! BURST INTO FLAMES!'

His lip was curled up into a snarl, as it twitched eachtime he read that in his mind.

"Zack." He sighed. "It doesnt matter. Its a mint, and thats all."

"HERE! Taste it!" Zack leaned forward and popped the blue mint into his mouth, not thinking about the conciquences yet to come.

Sephiroths eyes turned flames, his face solid as stone. His fists were tight, and his chest was heaving.

"Zack! It tastes horrible!" He spit it into the close laboratory.

Zacks face melted. "You..." His eyes swam with disappointment. "...dont...like it?"

"NO! No, I do not! ANd if you ever do something like that again, so help me Minerva. I will:

Tie you to a tree, cover you in honey, let the bees loose, and then I will leave you for three nights and two days. Then I will come back and cut that tree down, I will let it run down a waterfall. And my laughter will echo from your waterfilled lungs. Then I will feed you to pirannas, then I feed the pirannas to a bear, then I will feed the bear to a shark, and then I will feed that shark to a whale. And when that whale turns beached-I WILL BE THERE! Then Im gonna feed that whale to a gaint squid, and then Im gonna roast it over a campfire and feed it as sushi to the Japanese people!"

Zack flinched as this sudden outburst, (Like Seph isnt already an angry person) Sephiroth was breathing directly into Zack face. Zack smiled brightly.

"Aw! Your sooooo cute when your mad! Come on! Its time for lunchie!"

Dragging Sephiroth closely behind, Zack attracted many looks, as he skipped gleefuly down the public areas.

**--**

Hojo studied the 'circular object' under the microscope. Focusing in, and out, in and out, in, and out, in and out-

"HOJO! Its a mint! Welcome to the 21st century! Get with it dude!" A scientist across the room shouted.

**_OK, first of all, that outburst of Sephiroths was something I just did the other day, when I couldnt beat mii game. LOLZ._**

**_Then the whole mint thing, I was sitting in my room staring at the ceiling and I was debating in my head what the word would be. And I thought it would SO be something Zack would do. And as you can tell...I couldnt come up with the answer. So if anybody can, I will import it into another chap. ANd make it a big deal._**

**_I was recently working on the chap that was supposed to go here, but I came up with this instead so the next chap will come soon: The Many Voices of Shinra...is te title._**


End file.
